hello all :D
So this is my attempt at regular blogging :) I am in week two of school and things are starting to pick up. This is reinforced by the fact that I spent 14 hours at school yesterday 10 of which were spent in painting a gaint 4 foot by 4 foot cow....titled self portrait.
Truthfully I spent the first 4 hours of painting class in a funk because when I presented my cow idea it got shot down for being too literal to which I argued what the hell is wrong with being literal? Isn't art allowed to be in your face occasionally? After four hours of me sitting there contemplating how to make my idea less literal the teacher (who I respect 100%) told me to just paint the damn cow and let the ideas come to me as a I paint. I think he was starting to worry about my mental health LOl I have had him for a teacher since I started and I was totally honest with him at the start about my mental health challenges:) I felt like crying several times during that class LOL.
I should mention this since everyone has had to hear about my real low points and struggles that I am currently pretty much mental health issues free. I don't take any medication anymore and I most of the time love life :) I still struggle with a bit of anxiety but I am more able to cope and talk myself down which I attribute to how happy school and doing what I love makes me. I honestly think art school has been the turn around for me I just wish I had of done it sooner. I am a big believer in being just honest and out there so yah I layed it all on the line here on my blog and I don't regret it a bit if my telling my story helped someone then great. Until you've been there you will never understand the absolute loneliness that comes with mental illness. I look back and think how lucky I am for that rational part of my brain or my kids or whatever it was that when I was sitting the bathtub planning all the different ways I could end my life my brain said wait a minute you need help call a doctor!!! because I had plans people plans to not be here anymore.
THe first four hours of my day yesterday was spent in a class called Digital media which could also be known as Photoshop 101........this class literally makes me want to pull an "Office Space" on a Mac computer oh my gawd is it ever boring. The teacher assures me it will get more fun in the next few weeks but I have my doubts I am so not a tech person. To top it all off the class is in a room I like to call the cave it's window less and gloomy so as to maximize the computer screen bleh....I like to get messy with paint and canvas not keyboard and monitor! This just reinforces my love of all thing non technical. While I am learning to embrace the cell phone and Ipod I could safely ride a horse and buggy to school everyday and be totally fine with that.
OK so getting back to my blog title I had some serious doubts about my artistic ability this week and I was thinking perhaps I should be in the creative writing program my mom would like to see me in instead but I perservered and I am feeling better about my cow. I know that once I am able to put into words the meaning behind the painting the nay sayers will come around. Yay for me for standing my ground and not giving in and forgetting my concept. What's really funny (it's about to get PG people) is that in talking to my prof about ideas and concepts we pulled out a book on Kiki Smith (look her up) she does some interesting body casting sculptures so interesting my prof actually uttered the sentence " this guy is sucking his own cock" while talking about one of the sculptures LOL. Lets mark that down on the things you will only hear on in a Fine Arts course list :D
Yep and my cow is somehow too obvious and literal!!!! whatever!